i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
