I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if only i could text you this smell
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
