Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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