WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
