How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
