If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
