How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
