So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
