They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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