how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
