The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drunk is a universal language darling
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
