You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
