I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
