Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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