careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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