On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
