Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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