I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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