hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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