and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
