She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
