just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
