I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
