O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
