your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
