yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
