she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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