i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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