I wish I only lived at night.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
