found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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