Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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