I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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