My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
how drunk are you?
Several
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
