He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
