Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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