If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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