My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
