so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
