dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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