I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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