Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
