I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
