she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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