we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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