well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
