Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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