Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
