Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
