omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
