Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
